For the Love of Brittany
by fate-has-laid-a-hand
Summary: You were never a bad person, per se. Just a bit rough around the edges, because lets face it, you went through hell. But as we all know, Britt got you to stay on the path that was straight (well maybe not so straight) and narrow. Although, she couldn't help you during those terrible six months that the two of you were separated. You really only have yourself to blame for that one.
1. Down To One Box

_A/N: The first half of this was originally under a different fandom but I just re-watched the Brittana break up scene and I couldn't help myself. Deleted it and added to it to fit my main otp._

_Enjoy._

You had left again.

Brittany knew she should've been used to it by now, your consistent coming and going, and she was, but it still hurt each time you snuck out the door without even saying goodbye.

But what could she do about it? Nothing. Brittany couldn't make you stay if you didn't want to. Besides, if she tried too hard to make you stay, she thought you might never come back. And that's the last thing Brittany wanted.

You knew that you would always find your way back to her though, no matter what kind of trouble you got yourself into.

And it's not that you didn't want to be with her, but your lifestyle wasn't a good one, and you certainly didn't want her to get hurt. You'd never forgive yourself if anything happened to her.

You knew that she got pissed whenever you took off but you also knew that she would always forgive you. Because, Brittany? She was hooked on you. All you had to do was flash Brittany a dimpled grin and her heart melted a little. You were just her type of poison.

You hated to worry her each time you left but you always came back. That was something, right? Well at least you thought it was.

You also hated that Brittany forgave you so easily; as if you didn't split the blonde girl's heart in two each time you left. Maybe if she yelled at you once in a while, you wouldn't feel so guilty.

Instead, she would speak to you as if you were a child. More often than not, she sounded like a broken record. Because in the beginning, when you first started leaving without warning two years ago, she _did _yell at you. Brittany would scream and cry and tell you that she couldn't keep living like this. Everytime you went out without telling her, she prepared herself for you never coming back. She feared for your safety above her own and you feared for hers, and it was never a good combination, all things considered.

But, now she would calmly scold you like a five-year-old and you'd get pissed, even though you had no real reason to be, since the entire thing was really your fault.

So you would start yelling and nowadays she would just sit there and take it because she's come to realize that fighting with you while you're like this is a losing battle for the both of you. As a result, it was usually a one sided argument, which annoyed the shit out of you. Because at least if she yelled back, that would mean she was angry with you. Instead, she was simply sad and frustrated. And saddness is worse than anger.

Not that you would know, since you had never been in a real relationship before, but you didn't think your relationship with Brittany was healthy. Between the sex, the fighting and your constant coming and going, you knew it was only a matter of time between the whole thing collapsed around both of you.

But you had never cared about that in the past. You were always the kind of girl to live completely in the moment. You lived for today. You knew that what you had today could be gone tomorrow. That was one thing you had learned from your twenty-two years on this planet.

But it was different with Brittany. You geninuely cared about the other girl. That's why you always ended up coming back.

You had been with her for nearly eight years, so of course this meant a lot to you both. You wished you had stayed in college. You wished you had never broken up with her when you were ninteen and in Kentucky. You wished you would've tried harder in that long distance relationship because maybe if you had, you wouldn't have gotten mixed up in the wrong crowd. She had always been the one to keep you out of trouble.

And even though she took you back six months after, it was a bit too late because in those six months that you were apart, you let your reckless ways get the best of you. And now three years later, you can't escape. Maybe if you changed even one little thing about your past, things would've been different right now.

This is the way it is though.

And you can't put her through this anymore.

"Britt, I can't do this anymore. _We_ can't do this anymore." You felt tears threatening to fall but you held them back.

Brittany's eyes went wide and wasn't sure if she heard you correctly. "Santana, what-"

"Just listen, Brittany."

Hearing you use her full first name instead of a nickname, Brittany stopped talking.

You reached up and cupped the side of Brittany's cheek. You could tell that she wanted to pull back but maybe your touch felt too familiar.

"I've screwed you over so many times and you keep...forgiving me. I don't deserve it." You dropped your hand and stepped back, a small, watery smile on your face. "I don't deserve _you_. Shit, I've lost track of how many fights we've had over the past few years. You deserve someone better. Someone _perfect._.. And that's not me. Never will be."

You stared straight into the eyes you had fallen in love with. Those bright blue eyes that normally sparkled. The eyes that made Brittany wear her heart on her sleeve.

"But.. But I love you." Brittany said in a small voice, dropping her gaze to stare at the hardwood floor.

"You know I love you too B, with all my heart, but-"

"_But?_ But what?" Brittany's voice was higher than normal and she looked as if she was about to shatter.

"But, sometimes, I guess love isn't enough." You said softly. It hurt your heart to tell her that. Why couldn't love be enough?

That was when the tears came for the blonde.

You felt like beating yourself to death, because that was probably the worst possible thing you could've said to her

You took a couple hesitant steps towards her.

"Stay away from me." Brittany said shakily, anger bubbling to the surface as she took a few steps back.

"Brittany-"

"No. I don't wanna hear it. Just leave." She turned from you, wrapping her arms around her torso and hugging herself tightly.

It took every single ounce of self control in your entire body to not start sobbing and telling her that you're sorry and that you could never leave her.

You walked the rest of the way towards Brittany and wrapped your arms tightly around the taller blonde's waist.

"I can't leave it like this, B." You whispered some-what hoarsely.

Brittany half-heartedly tried to break away from you but you held on. "Let me go," She weakly protested.

"You know this relationship won't work out in the end, B. It wasn't meant to be."

That made Brittany cry harder and you tighten your grip.

"I need you." Brittany whispered so softly, that your hearing barely picked up on it. Your heart broke at those three little words. You buried your face into Brittany's neck for a moment.

"I'll be around Brittany. It's not like we'll never see each other. We just won't... Sleep together."

Brittany turned in your arms, roughly rubbing at her puffy red eyes.

"But I like sleeping with you," She said innocently. "I love the feeling of your skin on mine. I don't know if I could be around you without touching you." Brittany reached out her hand and stroked your cheek with the pad of her thumb.

You let out a very quiet chuckle, covering Brittany's hand with your own and stepping out of the embrace, dropping the arm that was around Brittany's waist.

"You deserve better than a screw up like me, Britt-Britt."

You lowered Brittany's hand to your lips and softly pressed a kiss to the top of it. You then leaned in and placed a gentle, bittersweet kiss on Brittany's lips.

You didn't want to do this. You didn't want to hurt the one person you actually loved in the world.

But you had to.

So there you were, silently sitting in front of what used to be both yours and Brittany's apartment door.

A box of things that made up your relationship was the only thing separating you two on the floor.

Old pictures of the two of you and crinkled love notes were among the many small items crammed away into the cardboard box that you would be taking with you when you left.

Neither of you spoke. There wasn't really anything left to say.

Then, she looked over at you. You raised your eyes from the hardwood floor to meet hers, because you could feel her intense gaze burning holes into the side of your head. Bright blue eyes were filled to the brim with tears, but she smiled at you like the first time she told you her name.

If someone had told you three years ago that you were going to end up this way, you probably would've gone Lima Heights on their ass.

But they would've been right.

So, there was the box. Part of your life together was in this box, and the other part was still in pieces, scattered across the apartment.

You were so in love, weren't you? You still are though, right? Because feelings like this can't just disappear, even if you haven't been getting along that well lately. Maybe this is only temporary.

Brittany was the first to speak.

"Are we ever going to see each other again?" Her voice sounds quiet and broken. You don't quite know how to answer her, so you don't. Instead, you push the box out of the way and pull her into your arms.

Your decision to split ended up being mutual after a long discussion, but you knew that she wanted hold on to whatever you had left between the two of you. But you didn't want that.

Britt slumps against your chest, holding onto you as if you're her life support. You're doing the same though and you never want to let her go.

Because you know that if you do, you might never see her beautiful face again. You might never hear her adorable laugh or kiss those perfect lips.

But it's for the best, or at least that's what you keep telling yourself.

"I will always love you the most," You whisper into her golden hair. That's when you start to feel her tears drip onto your collarbone. You haven't cried yet, but now that she is, you can't stop the tears that begin cascading down your cheeks.

"Promise?" She asks. You hate the way that her voice cracks. It sounds like she's trying to control her sobs and her words come out in soft hiccups.

You always had a problem with talking about your feelings and the only one you had fully mastered was anger. But Brittany loved you through all of that and you were grateful for it. You'll always be grateful for the way she loved you, especially those countless times when you didn't really deserve it.

She pulled away from you and offered you her right pinky.

Years of old memories flashed through you mind at that one simple gesture.

You gave her a bittersweet, watery smile and linked your pinky with hers. "Promise," You said and fully meant it.

Brittany gave you a barely-there smile in return and lightly squeezed your pinky with her own before you simutainiously pull your hands away.

You want the best for Brittany. And you can't be that.

_The next chapter will continue with the break up, and will explain the reason for Santana always having to abrupedly leave._

_Tumblr: fate-has-laid-a-hand_

_**And take note that none of my other fics are abandoned, I just have a bad habit of starting new ones.**_


	2. Old Friends and Broken Hearts

_A/N: So, I have two things to say._

_One: There won't be anything more than Quinntana __**friendship **__in this story. Even though I do love Quinntana dearly, it wouldn't make sense for Santana to get into another relationship at all right now. Besides, it's _Faberrittana _friendship. (And I've never written Rachel before, so bare with me in the upcoming chapters.)_

_Two: I believe in happily ever afters. ...Maybe. Not giving anything away just yet._

_Right then, on with the chapter._

Just when you thought the worst part was over, Brittany's bottom lip started trembling again, a sign that a new wave of tears would hit her any minute. You pull her back to your chest because goddammit, you can't take this girl's tears. It feels like your heart's being stepped on more than it already is.

You squeezed your eyes shut to prevent yourself from crying anymore and you cradled Brittany's body against yours. The position's a bit awkward considering her frame is slightly bigger than yours, but if it makes her feel even a tiny bit better, you'd hug her like this all night and leave in the morning instead. But that would just be prolonging this whole ordeal.

You and Brittany had started dating half way through your freshman year of high school, but you had been best friends since kindergarten.

Your own mother told you that she knew Brittany loved you since the day you met.

And you remember when _her _mother first explained her feelings towards you dating her daughter. She spoke as though she was trying to explain something to a second grader instead of a fourteen year old. She made it quite clear that she didn't approve.

Mrs. Pierce was quiet and calm about it and she never even mentioned the fact that you're the same gender as Brittany or that you're Hispanic. She focused on the person you were and that's what got to you the most.

Because at least if she had been upset that Brittany chose to date a girl or had some racist thoughts about your heritage, you wouldn't have taken it so personally. You could've filed her off as just another racist bigot and moved on with your lives. But no.

You're from Lima Heights Adjacent, which is pretty much the worst side of Ohio. You didn't move out of that place until after graduation, when you stayed with Hobbit and Lady Hummel in that New York apartment. Which coincidentally was also around the time that you broke up with Brittany. You were new to the New York scene and your friends didn't really pay attention to when you walked in and out of the apartment.

You lived there for the six months you were single and when Brittany graduated, she decided to go to school in New York. With that being said, it was safe to assume that the two of you would be getting back together. And you did. You moved out, and got an apartment with her. Shortly after, Dwarf and Lady Lips went their separate ways too.

But just because you used to live around drug addicts and ex-cons in high school, didn't make you one. Brittany made sure you kept on the right side of the tracks. Well, of course she couldn't help you during those terrible six months that the two of you were separated. But that was your own fault; much like many other things that caused your relationship to go sour. That's a completely different story though. And sure, you carried a razor blade in your hair at one point, but if Mrs. Pierce lived in that side of town, so would she.

There were many small reasons for Joan Pierce to hate you, and she had found each one of them.

You were never a bad person, per say. A bit rough around the edges when you were in grade school, because lets face it, you went through hell, even back then. But as we all know, Brittany got you to stay on the path that was straight (well maybe not so straight) and narrow. When you got to high school, you were so busy spending every waking - and sleeping moment with her, that you didn't have time to get into trouble.

"I've got to go now, okay?" You told Brittany softly. You knew Quinn was waiting for you outside and you had spent enough time on goodbyes. You'd be staying at Q's place until you could find a place of your own. And hopefully that would be soon, since you know that you'd be at each others throats for your entire stay there.

"Okay..." Brittany nodded, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands.

You pulled out of the embrace, and Brittany was looking at you uncertainly. A shimmer of doubt flashed through her eyes, and it was as if she knew you'd might never see each other again.

You rose to your feet and she followed suit.

Your arms were slightly shaking since you were holding yourself back from screaming _fuck it_ and latching onto your ex-girlfriend.

But that's just what she was now. An ex.

You reached out, resting your hand against her cheek to brush away a few stray tears. "I'll see you around," You quietly said before leaning forward and connecting your lips with hers for what might be the last time.

Her lips were salty due to the tears she had shed but she still tasted like strawberry Chap Stick and the taste that was purely Brittany S. Pierce. God, how you were going to miss that.

It was a chaste kiss and when you pulled back, she leaned forward slightly as if she didn't want it to end. And you were nearly positive that you two were the only couple that kissed after breaking up. Because I mean really, who _does_ that?

Then you leaned down, lifting the box into your arms. As you turned away from her to leave, you could hear a small sob escape her lips.

You had to ignore it because if you didn't, you would've gone running back to her.

You would've thrown your arms around her and held her close and never let go.

You would've given up your too-much-to-handle lifestyle and stayed here with her until she graduated college. Then you could've moved anywhere you wanted with her, and you could find some some place where no one knew your name.

But you couldn't. Because things like that only work out perfectly in the storybooks that Brittany used to read when she was younger.

So you kept walking down the steps and out the door and onto the sidewalk.

You immediately spot your other blonde best friend's car and pull open the door, slipping into the passenger's side with the box on your lap.

Quinn looks over at you as you close the car door and sympathy is written all over her face. You realize that you probably look like a hot mess since you had cried off nearly all of your make up, but you can't find it in you to give a damn.

"Oh honey, I didn't think you two were actually going to go through with it..." She mumbled quietly, leaning over to pull you into a tight hug.

"We had to..." You muttered, half-heartedly hugging her back. You took in a deep breath, inhaling the warm scent of your friend's perfume.

It wasn't what you were used to. Britt always smelled like vanilla and something sugary, while Quinn smelled like a coffee shop and cinnamon.

Quinn was no Brittany, but you had been friends with her since birth and her embrace was comforting. You were the first to pull away.

"No, you didn't," Quinn said firmly, pulling away and starting the car as you put on your seat belt.

You let out a heavy sigh, letting your eyes drift until you were staring out the window. You ignored her last comment, because what was the use?

The rest of the ride was silent. Quinn focused on the road while your eyes were transfixed on the sky. You pulled up to her apartment within twenty minutes.

"So you guys broke up, just like that?" She asked you, disappointment evident in her voice. You both got ot of the car and you held the box close to my abdomen.

"Yeah," You answered simply, following her up the steps to her and Rachel's apartment. You sent up a quick thank you to Heaven that Berry was out of town for two weeks because you really didn't need _both _of them to guilt trip you right now.

You heard Quinn sigh but you didn't look at her. By now, you were both standing in front of her apartment door and you were waiting for her to unlock it.

Instead of opening it though, she turned toward you. "You're a mess, 'Tana. Why don't you just be with her?"

You clenched your jaw and made your eyes meet hers. "It's too hard on both of us. I constantly worry about her, and she constantly worries about me."

Quinn looked at you like you were a four year old who couldn't comprehend what she was saying. It reminded you of the look Mrs. Pierce gave you and it was pissing you off. Come to think of it, too many people treated you like a child. But maybe you deserved to be treated that way. "So you really think that cutting off all contact with her will make her stop worrying?"

You held her gaze for another moment before blinking away. "We always fight," You lamely defended.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Rach and I see each other four times a week if we're lucky and we normally fight about half that time. But we love each other. Just like you and Brittany do," She insisted.

You don't know why she was hellbent on getting you and Britt back together. Maybe it was because she was friends with both of you, and...and you were happy together.

Hell, it'd barely been an hour since you officially broke up, and you already missed her like crazy. How could you possibly live the rest of your life without her...

"No," You managed to get out, slowly shaking your head. "This was our choice, Q. I know you're trying to be a good friend or whatever, but please respect that." You think that Quinn knew just as well as you that that was bullshit. By now you were basically wishing someone would drag your ass back to the apartment.

But Brittany will find someone else to fall in love with her. And she's so easy to love most of the time... She'll find someone. Even though the thought of someone else touching her the way you have makes you sick to your stomach, it's bound to happen.

Quinn smacks her hand against her forehead. "I do respect that 'Tana! But you've loved each other since we were like five. That's over seventeen years. I don't understand how you could just throw all that time away."

Tears began stinging your eyes again because everything she was saying was true, but you didn't think she noticed your watery eyes. You wouldn't allow yourself to cry anymore though, so you fought them back.

"I would gladly give up the shit I have to put up with everyday to be with her!" You're close to yelling and you know you're making a scene, but this is the only way you know how to cope with your emotions, so you continue anyway. "But I fucking _can't_! Because I'd rather be dead that get her killed!"

All of your rage is pouring out now and there's no use in trying to stop it. She knew all about your "job" and she still didn't see the reason for you to not be happy.

Quinn's voice is just as loud as yours as she fires back, "Are you _kidding _me? Get your head out of your fucking ass and quit being so damn selfish!"

Your last bit of resolve broke with that statement. "_Selfish? _Have you completely lost it, Fabray? Do you think this is fucking easy for me?" By now you're full-on screaming and people in the hallway are staring but you couldn't care less. Quinn doesn't seem to give a shit either because she yells right back at you.

"That's not what I mean, dumbass! Do you understand that she _loves_ you? I can't even count how many times she's told me you were the perfect friggin girl! All she wants you to say is that you'll runaway with her!" She throws her hands up in the air and grunts in frustration. "She would go to the ends of the goddamn Earth to be with you!" You back down for a minute because you know that her words make sense.

"I just can't do this now, okay?" Your voice lowered itself back down and you felt like crying again. "I want to be with her. But I can't," You're whispering now and your voice is cracking every so often. "Maybe I'll call her up some day and if she's single..." You leave your sentence hanging, knowing both of those things were probably not happening. She'd have a new boyfriend or girlfriend within no time and calling her would make it harder for both of you to move on.

"If you really loved her Lopez, you would fight for your relationship with her." Quinn seemed to have calmed down as well, and that same look of sympathy and maybe a hint of pity, returned to her face.

You just gave her a somber smile and shook your head. "She may love me, want to be with me and think I'm perfect. And I may be selfish by doing what I'm doing. But don't ever question my love for Brittany, Fabray."

Quinn sighed, because she knew it was true. You'd never stop loving Brittany.

"Just get your stupid ass inside," She muttered as she finally opened the door. You ignored the jab and walked inside with her following close behind.

You carefully placed the box on the coffee table and sat on the couch, dropping your head into your hands.

Your friend sat beside you and you glanced over at her. "Does Man Hands know I'm staying here?"

The corners of Quinn's lips slightly turn downwards at the old nickname but she doesn't make a direct comment about it. "Yeah, I told _Rachel _yesterday. She doesn't have a problem with it."

You silently nodded in response and sat there quietly with her for a moment, keeping your head in your hands.

Suddenly, all at once, everything from the past few days hits you all at once and you just couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

So you cried. And it was probably the hardest you've ever cried in your entire life. Quinn wrapped her arms around you and hugged you and you let her even though the two of you haven't hugged like that in years.

You wished she was Brittany, but you let her hug you anyway.

You buried your face into her shoulder and your tears were soaking her shirt but she didn't seem to care and that was the last thing on your mind anyway.

There had been some extremely rough patches concerning your friendship with Quinn, and even though there were times that you were a beyond sucky friend, she was here for you now. And you owed her about thirty favors.

It took a while, but you finally calmed down. Quinn made popcorn and you watched some horror movies together. You were pleasantly surprised she hadn't chosen some romantic comedy.

You both fell asleep on the couch and you didn't feel quite as empty as you had hours before. There was still a pain through your heart, but for the time being it had simmered down to a dull throb.

But shining blue eyes were your last conscious thought before you drifted off to sleep and you knew that the coming weeks would be anything but fun on your heart.

_A/N: I'll get to San's "lifestyle choices" next chapter_

_tumblr: fate-has-laid-a-hand_


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